BLEU

I fell in love with the most unlikely of all people. At first, he seemed so ordinary, someone I would have not given a second glance, but the moment he looked in my direction, I could feel the energy that pulled me towards him. I walked towards him with no will of my own, my knees buckling as if the ground had suddenly shifted right under my feet. As I got closer I could feel the presence of every fragment of his body. Staring in his mysterious eyes, I knew then and there, that nothing else mattered or had any significance other than my being with him. He stood there without saying a word, looking back at me with such affection that I almost felt faint, as if his very presence had the power to drug me and carry me into a state where reality and fantasy had no distinction. As I struggled to support myself he appeared exactly in the position my hand unknowingly reached. With almost complete confidence or maybe some sort of blind faith, I allowed him to lead me slowly away from the crowd. Resting my shaky right hand on his shoulder, we moved in complete silence with only the sound of his heartbeat that seemed to have traveled in mysterious ways to no matter where my hand touched him. He glanced at me as if to assure me that everything would be all right but I had no thoughts other then the burning desire to remain completely under his spell. I felt so in sync with his presence that I could hear all his thoughts, binding me so close that I questioned my very own existence.

He called himself Sky, as if to signify the role he had to play to protect me from the unknown world beyond. With his strong arms around me, he half carried me through the crowd that appeared to be as if in a silent movie. I couldn't even feel my breath, leave alone my pulse, just the energy that surrounded me and his majestic embrace. Reaching a dark alley in what seemed like an eternity, I felt myself being carried in his arms up the stairs. Something kept pulling us up through the well with such force that all that remained below appear to dissolve to nothingness.

"Hey", I heard myself mumble, but my mind had drifted so far in the distance that I could barely remember who I was. Only the sound of his heartbeat and the echo of my own voice kept me from drifting into a deep sleep.

"Who are you?", I asked in a faint whisper, a question I really desired no answer to.

"Sky", he whispered back in a voice so familiar it sent chills through my body.

"I am here to open your eyes", he continued, "to show what you have been afraid to see."

Without any sense of place, I felt myself floating in some sort of timelessness, his firm grip keeping me stable as we continued moving higher and higher. Struggling to maintain any sense of balance, I could feel nothing but the presence of thick fog that made the ground appear almost fluid. Waking up in what appeared to be a dream, I found myself lying in the middle of an open field, the silky white sheet barely covering my androgynous body. Sexual desire so intense that I felt a struggle to even open my eyes in this dreamy state. I could feel his soft hands caressing my body, pushing me deeper and deeper into a world where joy and sadness were one and the same. Through the corner of my eyes I tried to focus on the surroundings until my vision fixed on tiny little sparkles of stars rising from the plants at the edge of the field. Dozens of baby stars rose from the plants and in slow motion moved toward the vast sky.

"Let go..", I heard him whisper again, "..of your ego, and you will go beyond peacefulness to eternal bliss".

His breath so close to me that I could feel goose bumps all over my body. Bewildered, I watched the stars rise beyond reach and stand still above for a split moment before diving down towards some distant land.

I turned around to look back in his deep eyes and saw the reflection of my own memories.

" Make a wish", he muttered as if reading the mind of the child sitting on the back porch, staring at the falling stars in complete silence, but only this time, the silence was like one that prevails on snowy mountain peaks, with a cool crispness where I could hear a song that carried me to the innocent within me.

Wish..., I had none, just the one that had already been fulfilled, and that too without my even asking for it, to be in this state and experience the perfect balance of joy and pain I felt right there and then. He had carried me into another dimension, one that merged comedy and tragedy together and made them a varied reflection of the same thing, where death and life instantly led to one another and one disappointment led to another opportunity so swiftly that the mind remained cleansed of any worries, with simply the sound of joy and sorrow merging perfectly that it freed my soul to a silent dance.

He leaned forward and kissed the side of my neck, his fingers touching my face with such gentleness that I felt being brought back ever so slowly from my deep sleep. I reached out and held him, tightening my hold as I pulled him closer to my body until our minds and souls felt almost one. As his hands moved gently waking all parts of my body, I opened my eyes just as he closed his. Laying there in total bliss, with a sweet lightheadedness and throbbing heat passing through every vein of my body, I saw a multitude of stars rising from within us and get consumed by the majestic sky, and all that remained behind was bleu.

I don't know the reason why or how he happened to appear in my life and leave as swiftly as he came. Maybe he was a figment of my imagination just as much as I of his. As severe as the pain remains losing him, the joy for having known him in one twilight moment makes it all so clear. Maybe his purpose was to remind me to always look up at the sky and be grateful for what life has to offer in the present instead of what it could be in the distance beyond anyone's control or even imagination.

You know how it is when you listen to a beautiful piece of music, some thing that you really love, it penetrates every nook and corner of your being. Even when the music stops playing and you walk out on the moist grass and let your mind observe everything, appreciating things just the way they are, loving your surroundings unconditionally and not thinking of the emptiness that made you feel separated from everyone.......and then suddenly, you hear the same music playing faintly within your self, in tune with every single heartbeat.

That's how I feel when I think of my Bleu Sky.