Friday, June 23, 2006

Is it possible to be emotionally faithful to your partner when you are physically unfaithful?

Is your head nodding a silent yes! I won’t be surprised for a growing number of people are redefining “fidelity”.

Dev Mehta, 26, investment banker
Dev is in love with his boyfriend of six years. But for the last one year, he has been intimate with his ’close friend’ Akash. He justifies, “I miss the excitement of a new romance in my six year old relationship.”

Vishal Dhingra, 32, journalist
In a committed relationship for three years, he is happy to perfection almost. But beyond office routine, Vishal has close encounters with his colleague of a few months Navin. “Navin purely satiates my physical needs because my partner doesn’t have the time. But that in no way, changes the fact that I love my partner very much,” he claims.

The cliché goes ‘no relationship is perfect’. Emotional stability that a partner offers cannot be overlooked because there is no excitement says one…. lack of sexual gratification and monotony in the current relationship takes a toll says another…. Overwhelming insecurity that stems from an unstable childhood or disruptive family life maybe says another. So it is accepted that no relationship is perfect ….but hey what is perfection? And perfect to whom?

Relationships are being fast redefined…. They always have been through the ages…. We just seem to be more vocal and bold about going public with them today. Perfection is what works for the individual / couple in question... that is my point of view. Gone are the days of societal acceptance and all that bull… man today is more vocal about his choices.

Having said that one must revisit why a relationship came into play? Why cud we not be one large family, have mass orgies, children had many hands to take of them, and live happily….. My contention is just one basic element ….. GROWTH. For personal individual growth- which i think is the most important reason for an individual’s existence on earth - to happen the dynamics of a committed relationship help tremendously. without commitment you cannot learn to care for another person more than yourself. You cannot learn to value the growth of strength and clarity in another individual if that threatens the wants of your personality.

Just as no relationship is prefect so also no relationship is easy. The ability to match each others growth needs is what nurtures and nourishes any relationship. If you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there is no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Are we all looking for the wrongly flavored person?!!? YES…. but not just any wrong person: the right wrong person--someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."

With that comes the beauty of growing in a relationship – much elusive many would say.

Just because you don’t find what you want will u settle for anything less?

Will you allow your insecurities to feed by being in a relationship that does not allow you to face them?

Is it more romantic to live with the ‘idea’ of being in a relationship rather than living one?

Is false security and momentary worthiness your reality?

Definitely …. No relationship is perfect!