Yaad Tu Aaye Man Ho Jaaye Bheed Ke Beech Akela........

You and Me

Every moment that I spent with you will never leave my consciousness, my love

The finite moments when we held us in our arms, stir my complete being infinitely,

Moments spent in rapture
Moments spent in heightened feeling
Moments spent in intense tears when I held you tightly
Moments spent kissing your sensual body…

Every moment that I spent with you will never leave my consciousness, my love

Is it bliss or is it sin, such thoughts were not relevant to what we felt
Was it dawn or was it dusk, the time just seemed to melt
Who would start, who would end, we just didn’t care
We just let it flow, no nagging doubts to bear

I forgot my fears when you bared your desire,
I lost my innocence in the face of your wantonness
The blaze of your glory may soon be a dream
But I still feel the wetness of the last tears we cried.

Every moment that I spent with you will never leave my consciousness, my love

We do cut our nails when they grow out. We do light a lamp in the night, not trusting the moon enough. We do look for open windows when the doors are closed to us.

why do i long to hear from you so much ........

I LOVE YOU - Sarah Mclachan

I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears

Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek

Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you

what a song .... why dont they write stuff like this any more?

Piya Bina ... Piya Bina Piya Bina, Basiya Baaje Na Baaje Na Baaje Na, Piya Bina ...

Piya Aise Ruthe, Ke Honthon Se Mere,
Sangeet Ruutha Kabhi Jab Main Gaaun,
Lage Mere Man Kaa, Har Git Jhootha Aise Bichhade, Ho ...

Aise Bichhade Mose Rasiya Piya Bina ... Piya Bina Piya Bina, Basiya Baaje Na Baaje Na Baaje Na, Piya Bina ...

Tumhaari Sada Bin, Nahin Ek Suni,
Mori Nagariya Ke Chup Hai Papiha,
Mayur Bol Bhule, Ban Me Saanvariya Din Hai Suuna, Aa ...

Din Hai Suuna Suni Ratiya Piya Bina ... Piya Bina Piya Bina, Basiya Baje Na Baje Na Baje Na, Piya Bina ...

With or Without You

It's been over five years - May 7 , 2001 and yet the memory seems so afresh. i can still feel the rush of adrenalin and giddyness the first time we met. The shy "hi's " as we walked into purple haze (ironic for the making of a purple moment i must say) one thursday evening to the opening strings of U2's "With or Without you". little did i know them that this song would become an anthem for all that was to follow.

The evening was a giddy high - was that love at first sight? or the begining of an illusion that would prevade my life everafter. i do not think i have an answer to that even today .... i doubt i would have an answer to it even in the future. maybe i do not want an answer .....

my heart still skips a beat everytime i see that name buzz on my phone screen. i almost stop breathing wondering if this is the call which will finally ease everything. my palms instantaneously sweat and i sense the same giddy feeling settling in ..... i smile ..... a hallow laugh just to sound like i am fine and doing well. but who cares if i am doing fine actually ? i presume it does and pretend i am .... allowing the illusion to grow on.

from the day i was asked "can i be with him" to the day i was shoulder to "what do i do, i love him so much but just dont know how to handle all of this", i have changed so much. somewhere during this process i lost the ability to feel ..... the ability to cry. today when emotion demands tears and a sense of melancholy .... i smile and bite my lips to control a laugh....

heaven bend and give me a hand, i screamed silently, the voice echoing aganist the walls of my skull.

and heaven did bend its hand..... i moved cities. was it heaven giving me an oppurtunity to regain the ability to feel or was it me running away by telling myself .... its all over and life moves on.... i did move.

i did move. and moved to hear " i cant live with or without you" all over again. now in plain black words with silence as orchestra.

said for the very first time. heard for the very first time.

i went numb i think, though i could not feel if i was actually feeling numb. it was just a silent void. the silence just grew even more silent. making me deaf. i stopped hearing things.

in a fierce attempt to re connect with the senses i was fast losing i began to date again. maybe "love" would actually play healer this one time. ha ha ha ...... i heard myself laughing at the very thought. stop fooling yourself . but sure i went ahead ...... and thus began a new episode in my life that just turned me blind instead .....

love began to pour in from every corner. everyone i met said they were in love with me ..... gawd this was no freak single instance. everything that i thought love was to mean was now being offered to me on a sliver platter. but i detested it from the core of my soul (that is the only sense that seemed to exsist even if threadbare). was this some joke or had heaven really bent to take my hand?

i could not feel. i turned blind to all this love. i turned a snob, a "he just leads you on", a "he just likes to keep people dangling", a "he dangles carrots and makes people dance to his tune".

this sure had to be heaven bending down .... where else can such melodrama be conceived! sans feelings, sans hearing, sans sight ..... what was i ? a voice ..... a voice drowned in hollowness. waiting to join its long lost bretheren .....

and what could have become an exultation was soon becoming an elegy. with or without you ......

see the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist in your side, I wait for you, sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait.... And I wait......

my hands are tied, my body bruised, she’s got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose. And you give yourself away.... And you give yourself away

I can’t live with or without you .........

and .......then i forget the birthday ......

Purple Momentz

Mediocrity

god.... why the hell do people settle for mediocre work? is it that they do not knwo better or is it that they just do not care enough for what they do? the former has a solution ..... but what about the latter.....

is it so diffcilut to be enthused about stuff that actually occupies almost seventy five percent of your day.... how does it feel to not think. HOW DOES IT FEEL NOT TO THINK ?... I am sure it feels geat to most ... you can see why almost all world civilisations succesfully created events / products etc just to curb people from thinking.

intellectual responsibilty and dissidence is what we need says amartya sen.... do people even understand what he means? or does his voice just echo aganist blind eyes and deaf ears!

man save yourself ..... please

Purple Momentz

I have been asked that question a zillion times…. What do purplemomentz mean?
A friend once said -- “in life we all have our moments. some are good, some are beautiful, some are great,but there are some moments that we all always remember....purple moments”

Purple is a mysterious colour, suggestive of shadows. Purple is deep, soft and atmospheric but can be dark and forbidding like shadows. It has associations with the occult and spiritual matters. Maybe the colour purple had a deeper significance for me. Perfection and Protection.
Purple is a colour of power, combining and balancing the two extremes of the electro- magnetic spectrum, the vibrant energy of red and the calm of blue, hot and cold. The closest we get to purple in the electro- magnetic spectrum (the colours visible in the rainbow) is violet. It is the colour with the shortest wavelengths and highest vibration. There is, you may argue, a difference between these two colours but it is not great enough to cause a problem. Purple or violet are interchangeable in what followsJ
Thoughts that conjure up for me are heather-clad mountains; the rich hue of the purple emperor butterfly; a stimulant pill!!! Nature gives us purple in all its shades and tints; lavender, gentian violet, lilac, heliotrope, plum, damson, mulberry, grape and aubergine. Tyrian Purple, the purple dye sacred to the Greeks and Romans was a mark of wealth and power. The Greeks squeezed it, drop by costly drop from the molluscs Murex Trunculus and Purpura Haemastoma found along the eastern Mediterranean shores near Tyre. They used it to dye the cloth for robes worn by emperors, kings, magistrates and military commanders. In medieval times manganese oxide was used to stain glass violet.
Purple has continued to be used to adorn the altars and lecterns to match the vestments of priests in the Greek and Russian Orthodox churches, Roman Catholic and Church of England.
Homer referred to the "purple sea" (porphurea thalassa), and "purple blood" gushing forth, and even a "purple rainbow" in the Iliad. Scottish writers often favoured this colour to describe the blood that flowed into the streams in battles. Purple patches or passages are flowery pieces of writing.
A Byzantine emperor born while his father was reigning was given the name ‘Porphyrogenitus’ meaning ‘born in the purple’ a reference to the purple room used by the empress for her confinement.
Amethyst is the precious stone associated with this colour.
Violet and purple affect the psyche. They help to restore balance to the mind and remove obsessions and irrational fears. These colours have used successfully in psychiatric care to calm and pacify patients. The colours are associated with artistic and musical ability, sensitivity, beauty and higher ideal. they can help inspire and stimulate the creative impulse, to heighten sensitivity and spirituality. These colours allow us to make changes in our lives and help us to connect to the spiritual side so that we can change and grow. As red is aligned to masculine energy and blue to feminine, purple can balance these two energies within us.
An attraction to the colour purple can indicate a need to let go of the past and look forward to the future
What could we not talk of food here…… Purple occurs quite naturally in certain foods. They are full of vitamin C, bioflavonoids and ellagic acids. They are immune-boosting cancer preventors and also help to pacify and relax you. Great for insomnia. Try beetroot, plums, prunes, aubergines, purple broccoli, globe artichokes, red cabbage, blueberries, plums, onions, grapes, herbs such as purple sage, thyme and lavender.

My Land Lady

“Welcome Home!”… she said in one of the most joyful voices I had heard. Let me introduce you to Ms Nalini Mehta whom I fondly call “Aaaaaunty”.

It was Saturday, January 3, 2004 I landed in Bombay for the first time. My firm in Bangalore was relocating me there to begin operations in the city. I knew no one in the city. Armed with a leather bag and a borrowed suitcase I rang the bell of my land lady. I was to stay with her as a paying guest.

She was about fifty-five or sixty years old, and the moment she saw me, she gave him a warm welcoming smile. She seemed terribly nice. She looked exactly like the grandmother of one’s best school-friend welcoming one into the house to stay for the summer holidays.

And a unique grandmother she was….nurturing yet non intrusive. In the two years that I lived with her we may have spoken for not more than thirty hours. But those thirty hours were good enough to build a great bond. She decided not to have another paying guest after I left …. “I could not find anyone like you she said!”

She happens to be one of India’s only “Kathakali Doll” makers. Have a look at the picture attached here …… I think they are just breath taking.

Gifted (as she says) with a physical impairment she wanted to find a way to keep herself entertained and happy. She stayed in Kerala for a few years leaning the dance form, its costume creation, make-up etc and put together one of the most well researched documents on costumes and makeup details for Kathakali. Her dolls have found homes around the world and she has won numerous national and international awards.

The years I stayed as a paying guest I always felt like I was living at home. Not once did I feel homesick. I remember the evenings we used to cook together and have dinner while watching “KBC 2”.

The day I left Bombay she came to see me off with some special “wheat” sweet meant for happiness and a bowl of yoghurt meant for success. I just hugged her and knew I would miss that warmth and calm.

Smiles of a Summer Night

There is a river that follows my back, a river of clouds.
In it is all that I hold so dear.
Each moment I take a step ahead from the river,
And each moment it catches up.
A heartbeat, a glance, a caress,All are lost to this flow.
They are nothing more than vapors in my minds.

How many times I've dreamed of stepping back into the clouds,
To visit what has been left behind,
To change what sits there, brooding.
But time flies only in one direction.
So I move forward, peering through a foggy haze,
Wondering what will pass through the river next.
A heartbeat, a glance or a caress,

Who is to say?

Shades In Between


I stumbled over to my room and looked at my mirror….. and I see me ….black and man and me .. it was me standing across from me ….. looking at myself and I laughed … I laughed

I laugh hysterically and loud
I laugh long and hard
I laugh till my face ached with the stretch of it
I laugh till my body shivers with the sound of it

I laughed despite the throbbing of my insides
I laughed sincerely and simply
Because it was something I had never seen my reflection do ….